Only In Dreams
by streetlightlove
Summary: Here is the place where I love you -Takes place during Mockingjay. One-Shot. Written for round 5 of Prompts In Panem. I do not own the Hunger Games.


"Peeta!" Katniss gasps. As she shoots up in her bed, her hand automatically reaches to her right side, searching for the warmth she knows should be there, but all her groping hand finds is the coolness of a sterile white sheet.

She is disorientated, disconnected. Her tongue feels thick and heavy in her dry mouth, and her burning eyes still haven't fully adjusted to the lack of light in the room. She is about to call for Peeta, hoping his absence from her side means nothing more than a trip to the washroom, and he will be back soon so she can fall back asleep. But then the truth finally settles in it dislodges the ball of panic in her throat, causing it to escape her in a mournful cry.

She is in District 13, hidden away in the part of their hospital designated for those like her who are deemed _mentally disoriented_.

She thinks she has been here about a week, but she can't know for sure. The days have begun to blend together, like colors on a canvas, but instead of watching Peeta paint she has nothing to look at but gray cement, which seems to wobble when she stares at it too long—a side effect of the concussion she suffered escaping the arena.

People visit her often, rarely leaving her alone with her thoughts, which she can barely make sense of nowadays anyway. She tries to nod and respond appropriately when they talk to her. Her sister and mother at least pretend that nothing is off with her behavior, but the looks on Gale and Haymitch's faces tells her she isn't fooling anyone.

The truth is she isn't even here, not really. She knows in her heart that she never left that arena, that she was never supposed to, and instead it should be Peeta here listening to Prim prattle on about the medicinal properties of Queen Anne's Lace. But instead he was taken to the Capital and by now is surely dead, taking with him an important piece of her, leaving a festering, gaping hole that threatens to consume the rest.

Love is as painful as she always imagined it to be.

Right now, however, she is alone, even if she can feel the remnants of Peeta all around her, the coldness that has begun to settle into her bones is proof of how isolated she truly is.

He had been in her dream just now before it had turned into a gruesome nightmare. They were back on the beach, back to that moment when their lips pressed together, their tongues touched, their hands grasped onto each other, and everything changed...at least for Katniss.

That kiss was different than any of the others, and in the moment she knew the truth that she had hidden from herself for so long.

Katniss is in love with Peeta, but now he's gone and she's here, and she would never be able to tell him, so she locked him away deep inside of her, a place where she could always keep him safe, sometimes meeting again in the occasional dream that managed to find its way to the lull between night terrors.

In this dream there was no lightning, no Finnick to break them up, so the kiss continued, their tongues thrashing, their fingers grasping at exposed skin. He pulled away, his hooded cerulean eyes pinning her.

"Do you love me?" he asked plainly.

"Yes," she admitted without hesitation, nodding furiously, her heart thumping at his smile. Their mouths found each other again. The hunger within had begun to overwhelm her, and she pressed closer and closer to him, desperate to feel the contours of his body flush against hers.

"Not here," he groaned against her lips. He stood, pulling her to her feet and leading her just to the treeline, shading them from view. He pulled her down with him as he fell to the sand, and his mouth hurriedly attached itself to the sensitive flesh of her neck.

"Peeta," she moaned softly at the feel of his tongue against her skin, and she felt his smile.

Silently he reached behind her, and hooked his finger onto her tattered camisole and pulled it over her head exposing her breasts to the humid night air. Peeta stared reverently for just a moment, before leaning forward and dragging the tip of his tongue against her dusky colored nipple. He then took the taut flesh into his mouth. Katniss groaned as his teeth made contact. She arched her back, and pushed her breast closer to him.

He pulled away and found her mouth once again. As they kissed, his hands tore down her undershorts, and then he just as quickly discarded his own. He laid her down, and her back sunk into the soft cool sand.

"I love you," he told her, then he took his hardened erection into his hand and pressed it to her entrance.

Her dream changed at that point, just before he pushed inside of her. Peeta had disappeared, and the water had turned to blood, and she had been scared awake, but the longing she felt for him to break that last wall between them is still present, and she aches for relief.

Her hand pushes under her gray sleep shorts, her fingers probing for the place where she needs attention. Her white plastic hospital bracelet scrapes against her belly as her fingers move under the waistband of her underwear.

Her fingertips find a wet warmth and easily sink into the welcoming silky folds there. She is clumsy with her movements, lost as to what to do besides seek out the source of frustration that she feels.

Katniss has never done anything like this before—how could she? Even if she didn't share a bed with her sister, she had far more important things on her mind besides exploring her body. She feels embarrassed, frustrated… pure.

She's about to give up and go back to sleep. After all, the pain she is feeling now pales in comparison to the twisting of an empty stomach, but then her roaming fingers drag across a pebble of flesh that makes her breath catch and her stomach swoop.

She gently pushes the pad of her middle finger against the spot, and a burst of warmth moves up, filling her abdomen. She does it again, and again, each time eliciting another wave of fire.

She experiments with moving her fingers around the nub, and then on top of it, finding what feels best. She begins to collect the silky moist accumulation on her fingertips and starts making lazy circles.

Her breathing has become ragged, releasing a soft moan with every exhale. Fuzzy images of Peeta begin moving through her head, as she begins recalling things about him. The definition of his chest and abdomen as she rested her head on them, the strength of his hands as his fingers entwined with hers. The taste of his tongue as it explored her mouth.

The circling of her fingertips becomes tighter and faster, and the wet arousal begins to drip. She feels something building, A red-hot coiling deep inside of her. She doesn't know what's about to happen, but she knows she wants it desperately.

The image of Peeta's naked form above her, ready to push inside of her, flashes behind her eyelids, his blue eyes are filled with love and lust and need, and desire, and just like that the coil snaps, and the darkness flashes to white.

Katniss cries out as the feeling overwhelms her; her breath stutters, as her slowing fingers continue to circle over the throbbing piece of flesh, and her hips begin to buck.

"Fuck," she gasps, pulling her hand away, as the area becomes too sensitive for her to touch anymore.

She rubs her wet fingers on the sheet, and lets her her head fall completely back onto the pillow. Her eyes close as she tries to catch her breath, trying to come to terms with what she just did to herself.

Her heart eventually returns to a normal cadence, but tears begin to leak past her closed lids.

She misses Peeta...now more than ever.

A tell-tale buzzing fills the room, and the lights switch on. It is supposed to mimic sunlight, but Katniss thinks it makes everything look drearier. She sits up, rubbing the tears from her eyes. It must be 7:00 am, and someone will be in to check on her soon, and try to coax her out of bed.

With a sigh, she curls herself back under the covers, pulling her sheet and blanket up over her head, blocking out the unnatural light. She won't be getting out of bed today. Instead she will spend the day trying to find Peeta again in her dreams .

* * *

**Thanks so much to the lovely and extraordinary Court81981 for fixing my mistakes, and to the amazing Misshoneywell for this perfect round of PiP!**

**Come visit me on tumblr: streetlightlove1**

**Thanks for reading!**


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